Akatsuki of Oz
by iluvtails
Summary: What happens when you mix the Akatsuki with the Wizard of Oz? you get a hilarious story of Deidara trying to find his way home rated t for beeping and Youi and stuff like that
1. Tornado of Doom

Chapter 1 – Tornado of doom

**Chapter 1 – Tornado of doom**

Deidara sat on his bed enjoying the peace. Tobi was gone, for now. He'd sent him off to fetch some sticks. Not that he needed them; he just needed to get away from Tobi's continuous talking.

He was starting to get bored. It was quiet, too quiet. He really wanted to annoy Itachi but him and Kisame were off doing something random. Like he really cared?

Deidara yawned. "I should get some sleep before Tobi gets back" He said before he drifted off into sleep.

_Meanwhile_

"Man these Akatsuki guys are tough!" Temari puffed, "_and really what's with this fly trap guy I'm fighting. I mean seriously fly traps were so 5 minutes ago." _She thought

She looked over her shoulder and saw Gaara and Kankuro fighting loosing to more of these guys.

Seeing an opening Zetsu attacked knocking Temari to the ground. Annoyed she got up, grabbed her fan and with her awesome female strengths made a tornado. Everybody made it out of the way in time but the tornado headed strait for Akatsuki headquarters.

_Back to Deidara_

Deidara woke to loud wind noises and earthquakes. "_What the un?"_ he thought to himself as he got out of bed and looked out the window.

He was rather shocked with what he saw! There were PIGS flying in the air, Kakashi reading 'Para Para Paradise,' even a Naruto eating a bowl of steaming hot ramen flew past.

"WHATS GOING ON!" Deidara yelled to no one in particular. Just then he hit the ground with a hard thud and fell out the window.

_Yeah not that much funnyness YET!_


	2. Odd Beginnings

Chapter 2 – Odd Beginnings

**Chapter 2 – Odd Beginnings**

Deidara looked up from the ground he lay on. There in front of him was a dog. "This dogs unusual" Deidara mumbled.

He was right this dog is unusual. It was a puppet dog, made of wood with no strings. This dog had a puff of red hair right at the top of his head.

"It looks like Sasori Danna; I loved Sasori Danna till stupid f'n Sakura had to kill him! We didn't even get a full on pash! Should have taken that opportunity last summer when no one was around but sasori was sick and it would have ruined the mood!

The dog barked in a flirty way and disappeared into the wind.

Confused Deidara stood up and looked around. There were giant lollypops, rainbows and bright colors everywhere!

"OH MY GOD!! I'M INSIDE TOBI'S HEAD UN!!" Deidara screamed.

The doors to the little mushroom houses opened up and out came lots of fat ugly midgets. Each one looked like someone from Konoha. A soft whisper formed and fingers before silence.

Many seconds passed. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop then suddenly a massive cheer erupted from the crowd.

"What the **BEEP** is going on here un?!"

He turned around to see what all the commotion was and saw his and Tobi's room crushing a bleeding body. He could only see the top of his or her head. This head had blue hair and a white flower that stood out.

"_Konan?"_ He wondered. After thinking extremely hard he figured out his guess was correct. "OH **BEEP** LEADERS GONNA KILL ME FOR THIS! I know, I'll just blame it on Tobi un" Deidara seemed pleased with his conclusion and was about to walk away without a care when someone tugged on his cloak, he turned around and saw a tiny fat Kakashi staring at him with his one eye in that way that compassionate way.

"On behalf of Minikonoha, we thank you."

"Ok… what for un?"

"You killed the wicked witch of the east!"

"_The wicked witch of the east? Konan? Makes sense" _"Uhh… Your welcome? I guess" Deidara didn't know how to react. This was way too confusing for him.

Just then all the midgets went into panic and ran around in circles. Looking around Deidara finally found out what all the commotion was about.

Down from the sky came a bubble. It hovered in front of the clay man for a second then 'POP' and out came Itachi. He was in a sparkling pink dress instead of his cloak, a flower covered wand and a tiara that looked something even a princess wouldn't wear it was that special.

Deidara couldn't contain it anymore it was too funny. "I-i-i-itachi?!" He laughed.

"I am Itachi the good witch of the North."

But Deidara wasn't listening he was too busy laughing about how ridiculous Itachi was looking.

Itachi clears his throat and tries again, "I am Itachi the good witch of the North."

Deidara continued laughing

Itachi was angry now "I AM ITACHI THE GOOD WITCH OF THE NORTH FOR GOODNESS SAKE WOULD YOU LISTEN!!"

The artist stopped laughing at this sudden outburst from the 'good' witch.

"So um… why are you here un?" Deidara questioned.

"To tell you how to get out of here."

"Ok so how do I?"

Itachi poofed the flower out of the dead Konan's hair and into Deidara's.

"WHAT THE **BEEP **ITACHI! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A GIRL UN?!"

Itachi backed away, "Uh… Nooooo…" He lied, his eyes darted around guiltily before he zipped away in a bubble!

"He didn't even tell me what to do!" Deidara panicked as he attempted to pull the flower out of his hair, he couldn't. "What do I do now!"

One midget jumped forward. "Go see the wizard of oz!" and with that everyone cheered except Deidara who asked "Who's the wizard of oz and how do I get to him?"

"Follow the Yel…" They Sang

"DON'T SING!"

"…low brick road" They continued less enthusiastically then before.

"I SAID DON'T SING, BUT THANKS HERES A BIRDIE TO SHOW MY GRATITUDE UN!" Deidara made a clay bird, let it loose and followed the yellow brick road (the non skippy way) and under his breath muttered 'suckers.'

_Funnyness YAYZ!! But its up 2 you BTW gets better!_


	3. Tobi wants a brain

Chapter 3 – Tobi wants a brain

**Chapter 3 – Tobi wants a brain**

Walking down the yellow brick road, now a distance away from the village he counted "1…2…3… KATSU!" At that moment a massive explosion erupted from the village, too fast for screams. They all died. _(sorry I was upset at the time and had to kill some people) _

Deidara laughed. "That's what they get for singing."

Then there was more. "I love being happy" it sang, "Happyness for me!" thunk The happy singer plonked out from the crops and right in front of Deidara. It was Tobi, he had straw coming out from everywhere.

"What do you want un?"

"Cause Tobi is a good boy Tobi can get a brain too right!"

Uh…" Deidara didn't know what to say, so he just patted Tobi (who was still on the ground) on the head and walked off.

Tobi started to cry, "SEMPAI! PLEASE HELP! Tobi been good boy for longest time now so he can been smarted like you too!"

Deidara sighed "Ok then, I'll take you to see the wizard."

"Wis-ded?"

"Yeah un, he'll get you a brain." As he said that he grabbed Tobi by the back of his straw stuffed cloak and dragged him along the ground.

"Ack! Cant… Breathe… Sempai?!" He struggled. Deidara threw him in the air and he landed on his feet. "Thanks Sempai!!" Tobi hugged. I don't even need to start explaining the expression that would be on Deidara's face at the moment.

Then, Tobi sang again.

_Wow short chapter! Please keep enjoying!_


	4. Kakuzu's Money

Chapter 4 – Kakuzu's money

**Chapter 4 – Kakuzu's money **

Deidara has clay in his ears to block out Tobi's terrible singing but the only problem is he can still hear it.

"I love Deidara, and I love flowers and I love happy stuff lots…" He sang

Deidara was tensing up. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to let it all out, he had to explode something.

Reaching into his clay bag he grabbed out a massive chunk of clay and sent out a bird into the forest. "1…2…3… KATSU!" A massive mushroom cloud erupted in the distance. It startled Tobi and made him jump

Giggleling at the explosion and Tobi's stupidity, Deidara noticed a thin sharp string wrap around his arm getting tighter and tighter. A snap pulled him away from the one eyed Idiot and into the face of a very angry Kakuzu. He was shiny, like tin, and covered in soot. Deidara spotted a tiny flame at the end of his cloak but decided to leave it with the chance of it spreading, that's something he didn't want to miss.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" He yelled. "YOU NEARLY EXPLODED THE MONEY IN MY POCKET TO SMITHERIENES! YOU HAVE NO RESPECT! NOW WE'LL HAVE TO SPEND PRECIOUS MONEY ON CLEANING MY CLOAK AND I'M ACTUALLY GONNA HAVE TO HAVE A SHOWER! NO THANKS TO YOU!"

"What you don't shower that's disgusting!" Deidara spat.

"DON'T YOU START WITH ALL THIS HYGENIC **BEEP **I'M SAVING OUR WATER BILL!"

"You and your money is that all you think about?"

"…maybe"

"NYA Kakuzu-san!" Tobi interrupted. "Are you looking for something too?"

"Yeah, more money." Deidara guessed

"HOWD YOU KNOW?!"

"Lucky guess."

"You can come find wizard-san with us," Tobi danced "He'll getten you some lots of money!"

"Money?... _**MONEEEYY!!**_" Kakuzu's eyes turned into dollar signs, and the thing on his mind is free money. But really when isn't it, that's all he ever thinks about. "I'M SO IN!" He yelled as he sprinted in the direction but soon returned. "Where we heading?" he asked.

Deidara turned to Tobi "look what you started!" he snarled as he lead the way towards Oz.


	5. Plant or Animal?

Chapter 5 - Plant or Animal

**Chapter 5 - Plant or Animal?**

Deidara ignored his surroundings you would too if you were in his place.

Kakuzu was singing ABBA songs (what's with singing in this fanfic?) One song in particular..

"Money, Money, Money, Must be funny, in a rich mans world" He sung.

And Tobi, well lets just say he isn't gonna last long the way he's going. He was up a tree, edging closer and closer to a bee hive. "Mmm honey." He stuck his hand in the hive but quickly yelped back in pain as thousands of bees swarmed around him and started stinging. "AAH, SEMPAI! OW, HELP!" He ran hoping to get rid of them. It wasn't working very well though.

It was clay time dramatic music plays

Deidara reached for his clay pouch and grabs some clay ate it with his awesome mouth hands and sent away thousands of microscopic bombs. "1…2…3…Katsu" and all the angry bees exploded (this is where you clap and cheer)

Deidara brought his two fingers up to his mouth and blew on them like you would a gun after you fired.

"NYA Thanks DeiChan. Tobi thought Tobi was a gonner"

Deidara's eyes twitched "Chan?" But Tobi was already off.

"HEY SEMPAI LOOK AT THIS!" Tobi called. "THIS PLANT WERES AN AKATSUKI CLOAK!"

"Go away." It said

"NYA it talks too!"

"What the?" Deidara came over and saw what Tobi was going on about "Zetsu? Come out!"

"No."

"You cant stay in there forever."

"Yeah I can."

"You'll get hungry."

"So?"

"Got any money?" Kakuzu barged in.

'No, and if I did you aint getting any."

"Man you can be really stubborn when it comes to money."

"Look who's talking!"

"…"

"Zetsu has a point Kakz"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"ZET-SAN! ZET-SAN! TOBI KNOWS! YOU CAN COME FIND WIZARD SAN HE'LL GET YOU OUT!" Tobi celebrated.

"But I dun wanna come out" he sobbed.

A light bulb went off in Deidara's head reverse psychology. "What Tobi means to say, Zetsu, is that the wizard will make it that you can stay in there forever he just said it wrong."

"Ok I'll come." Zetsu got up and started walking straight into a tree. That's when Deidara noticed the lions tail dangling from his behind. Deidara grabbed this and pulled him away from the tree. He then started heading in the wrong direction.

"_This isn't gonna work._" Deidara looked around and spotted some vines. He wrapped them around Zetsu like a child leash, dragging him to the Land of Oz


	6. The clearing

Chapter 6 – The Clearing

**Chapter 6 – The Clearing**

They could see it, the end of the forest. Tobi ran ahead to get a closer look. "FLOWERS!" He yelled and ran further, soon out of sight.

"Flowers?" Zetsu created a little gap of his fly trap cage and looked around. "Oh no…" He was in shock horror for what he saw. Being a plant specialist he recognized the species strait away. The Love Flowers. DUN DUN DUUUN!

They were too close. The flowers were taking effect. There lushes singing (again with the singing!) was heard by all and sending them mental. Except for Tobi who sang along out of key and out of time.

"I love you lots and lots, forever and ever…"

"MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" Kakuzu screamed. "AND SO IS MY EARS MONEY!"

Deidara would of pointed out that money doesn't have ears but he was busy going mental himself grabbing large amounts of clay and shoving them in his ears.

Zetsu was banging his head on the ground trying to knock himself out so he wouldn't have to go through this torture. "Too… Soft…" He complained.

The only person who could save them now was Tobi.

He stood up and said to the flowers, "Hey flowers Tobi's sorry but Tobi's busy and can't stay 'nemore cause I'm looking for a brain."

"Goodbye my friend, goodbye my friend…" The flowers sang.

Tobi picked up the whimpering three and dragged them away, the castle now in sight.


	7. We found Oz!

Chapter 7 – We found Oz

**Chapter 7 – We found Oz!**

"YAYZ!" Tobi yelled, "LOOK SEMPAI! LOOK! WERE HERE! I think…"

Deidara went out of his shivering mental state and into complete confusion. It was Akatsuki headquarters. "This is just weird un"

"Huh what is it?" Said the enclosed Zetsu.

"Never mind"

"LETS GO!" Tobi ran ahead but was stopped when a puff of smoke came up in his face and Hidan in a witch's hat and a black cloak with no red and white clouds appeared.

"YOUR ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Oh so you're the evil person in the story un" Deidara realized.

"I guess so" He shrugged.

"Arrived kind of late weren't you supposed to c.ome in like the second chapter or something?"

"Yeah but I got lazy and there were a few Jashin traditions to do, which reminds me this 'Wicked Witch of the West costume' really doesn't work well with Jashin's wantings."

"…Okay… un"

"…Uh, Oh yeah YOUR ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Oh **BEEP** we have to beat you?" Deidara swore.

"Well yeah… I think"

"Back away! I know how to beat him!" Deidara boasted.

"Let me guess it involves clay" Kakuzu guessed.

"Yep!"

"Deidara, that's not gonna work." Zetsu put in.

"Who cares as long as something goes boom.

"This is how you do it," Zetsu turned to where he thought Hidan was (even though it was the other way and said, " I met a bigger Jashin worshiper then you back in the forest, like playing around in some apple trees. He's really smart and a better killer. I think you better find him and kill him before Jashin will disown you as his favorite"

"WHAT THE **BEEP **I'M GONNA KILL THAT **BEEP**'N **BEEP **OF A **BEEP**'S MOTHER **BEEP**'N DESTROY HIM…" he ran off.

"See told ya!"

"Tobi loves Niki Webster!"

"Where'd that come from un?"

"Tobi wants' to marry Niki and have babies with her too!"

Deidara sighed here comes another one of Tobi's story's of his life.


	8. At the gate or door whatever

Chapter 8 – At the gate or door… whatever

**Chapter 8 – At the gate or door… whatever**

Tobi ran up to the doors of the headquarters and attempted to open them. He twisted, pulled, tugged and pushed but it wouldn't open. So he tried banging.

"OPEN UP! TOBI IS HERE! HE CAME ALL THE WAY TO SEE MR WIZARD!"

"Tobi shut up this is how you open a door." Deidara grabbed some clay, stood back and said Katsu. On his way into the building he wacked Tobi on the head, "That's how you open a door un."

Once Deidara got in the door he stopped. This wasn't their headquarters everything was… PINK! That and there was one big hall with a room at the end instead of lots of little rooms.

"This inside is seriously bigger then the outside how does that work un?"  
"Well I cant see so how would I know?" Zetsu said sarcastically.

"That's your own problem you can come out when ever you want."

"MONEY!"

"…"

"Look sempai! Its Kisame!" He poked Kisame with a stick he found. "He seems very pink and he hasn't moved… OH NO KISAME IS DEAD!" He panicked.

"I'M NOT DEAD!" Kisame yelled waking up, "and its not my fault I'm pink!"

"Just tell my where the wizard is and we'll be on our way un." Deidara grumped.

"Through those doors, duh"

"YAY WIZARD-SAN!" Tobi cheered as he ran towards the door.

Everybody caught up to the basketball head and helped him open the door.


	9. The Wizard

Chapter 9 – The Wizard

**Chapter 9 – The Wizard.**

The doors finally opened and Pein's head was there. Its ok its just a hologram.

"Can Tobi have a brain?" Tobi blurted out as soon as he entered.

"…"

"Eh… sorry Pein," Deidara apologized, "Tobi' just being himself."

"Ya think you could shut him up, please!" Zetsu begged.

"Can I have some money?" Kakuzu asked.

"Can you make it that I can stay in here forever?"

"Tell me how I get back HOME un!"

"PLEASE TOBI GET A BRAIN!"

"MONEY!"

"HOME!"

"HIDDENESS"

"BRAIN!"

"**SHUT UP!**"Pein belted out "Kakuzu, get a job stop stealing off everyone else's hard work, Zetsu I spotted a _really_ pretty plant/woman just outside you better put on a good impression, Tobi I enrolled you in a pre-school and Deidara," A puff of smoke arose and when it cleared Pein was standing in front of Deidara. "Tap the flower on your head three 3 times cluck like a chicken and repeat the lines 'I am a loser'"

"WHAT NO!"

"Fine then be stuck on Oz forever."

"Gah, Ok then un." Deidara did all the things and soon disappeared into nothingness!


	10. The end?

Chapter 10 – The end

**Chapter 10 – The end?**

Deidara awoke in the bed he fell asleep in. It was an empty room. Amazingly. Usually he woke to Tobi in his face staring at him. By the sounds of it he was in the kitchen annoying Kisame.

He got out of bed and walked to where all the action seemed to be. Tobi spotted Deidara and ran up to him yelling "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY, TOBI GETS TO GO TO KINDERGARDEN! YAY!"

Zetsu walked into the room strutting his stuff. Deidara blocked his nose. "Is that Lynx?"

"Uh huh sprayed a whole bottle."

"Why un?"

"Gotta impress those plant lay-dies YEAH!"

"Lucky I have mouths on my palms and chest and not noses." Deidara mumbled as he spotted Kakuzu leaving the headquarters. "Where you heading un?"

"I know this is weird but I got a job and I'm going to work."

Everybody stared at Kakuzu; this was like impossible Kakuzu getting a job, WOW!

Just then Pein walked into the room. "Anybody seen Konan? I think she's dead"

"O.o"

THE END!


End file.
